Reasons to Search

If you asked me six months ago why I wanted to search for my birth family, I would have told you that I wasn't certain that I would find my birth father and that he may not have known I exist.  This was based on the history that I had in my American file.  I was mostly interested in finding my birth mother (thinking she was single when I was born), and saying "Thank you for giving me life."  I wanted to see if we looked similar, if she was musical, outgoing.  What were my characteristic differences from my birth family that were driven by Nature, rather than Nurture?

Some of the reasons stay the same.  I still want to see the characteristics that I have acquired due to Nurture, what my birth family looks like, and if they are musical or athletic.  But I'm not sure saying thank you still applies.  Did they know that I was going to be a girl before I was born?  If not, they were hoping for a boy and terminating the pregnancy was not an option.  If they DID know I was a girl before I was born, they may have had a more difficult time, but being Catholic, it is likely that abortion was not an option.  I suppose I can say thank you for not leaving me on the steps of an orphanage.  I'm not sure how to respond to this.

Since I have two older sisters (and possibly younger siblings, as well), I may be able to see what I will look like when I am 40.  Who doesn't want to know if they will age well?  But again, what if I have a younger sister that my parents kept?  I don't think I will begrudge her anything.  God does everything for a reason.  To quote one of my favorite movies, The Sound of Music, "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."  My window of opportunity has been amazing!

I would like to know what my parents told their family about my birth.  Did they tell them I died, as they were planning to?  Do they still feel regret or sorrow at giving me up?  Have they ever recanted their story and told my sisters and their parents the truth?  Were they curious about what I would end up like?  Have they ever tried to search for me?

I also know there are some questions that I now have that I will never know the answer to (I will add to this list as more questions pop into my head):

• Would my sisters and I have gotten along growing up?
• Would I still be as musical as I am today and had the opportunity to learn all the instruments that I now know?
• Would I have been good at Korean Dance and Drumming? (Seeing performances of drumming and dance, makes me wish I had been more involved as a younger child in Korean culture.  Everyone knows I love to perform!)
• What would life been like if I had been a boy?  Would I have been the darling of the family?
• What if I hadn't been adopted, and instead been a third girl?

I am sure I will have many more things to ponder, so this page may change over time.