Reasons to Search

If you asked me six months ago why I wanted to search for my birth family, I would have told you that I wasn't certain that I would find my birth father and that he may not have known I exist.  This was based on the history that I had in my American file.  I was mostly interested in finding my birth mother (thinking she was single when I was born), and saying "Thank you for giving me life."  I wanted to see if we looked similar, if she was musical, outgoing.  What were my characteristic differences from my birth family that were driven by Nature, rather than Nurture?

Some of the reasons stay the same.  I still want to see the characteristics that I have acquired due to Nurture, what my birth family looks like, and if they are musical or athletic.  But I'm not sure saying thank you still applies.  Did they know that I was going to be a girl before I was born?  If not, they were hoping for a boy and terminating the pregnancy was not an option.  If they DID know I was a girl before I was born, they may have had a more difficult time, but being Catholic, it is likely that abortion was not an option.  I suppose I can say thank you for not leaving me on the steps of an orphanage.  I'm not sure how to respond to this.

Since I have two older sisters (and possibly younger siblings, as well), I may be able to see what I will look like when I am 40.  Who doesn't want to know if they will age well?  But again, what if I have a younger sister that my parents kept?  I don't think I will begrudge her anything.  God does everything for a reason.  To quote one of my favorite movies, The Sound of Music, "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."  My window of opportunity has been amazing!

I would like to know what my parents told their family about my birth.  Did they tell them I died, as they were planning to?  Do they still feel regret or sorrow at giving me up?  Have they ever recanted their story and told my sisters and their parents the truth?  Were they curious about what I would end up like?  Have they ever tried to search for me?

I also know there are some questions that I now have that I will never know the answer to (I will add to this list as more questions pop into my head):

• Would my sisters and I have gotten along growing up?
• Would I still be as musical as I am today and had the opportunity to learn all the instruments that I now know?
• Would I have been good at Korean Dance and Drumming? (Seeing performances of drumming and dance, makes me wish I had been more involved as a younger child in Korean culture.  Everyone knows I love to perform!)
• What would life been like if I had been a boy?  Would I have been the darling of the family?
• What if I hadn't been adopted, and instead been a third girl?

I am sure I will have many more things to ponder, so this page may change over time.

A Tale of Two Stories

Once I sent my in paperwork to begin the search, I didn't know what I would find.  Would we be able to locate anyone?  How long would it take to hear anything?  I had had several friends search out their families with mixed results.  I had the supposed names of my birth parents on my adoption forms - they had been typed, had white-out over them, and "Confidential" stamped over that.  I guess whoever did that didn't mind that I could hold the sheet up to the light and read through the back side.  Another friend had searched for her birth family and found that the names she had (same situation) were not the correct names of her birth parents.  I'm not putting a ton of stock in them yet.  If they are accurate, a neighbor of my family who was from Korea told me the names were somewhat unique.  I remember standing outside by the garden with the names re-written on a post-it note, asking her about them. 

The other information contained in my American File is summarized below:

My Birth Certificate says I was born in Seoul on December 16, 1978 with the name of Whang, Hee Jung.  I have no records of my birth parents' information on my Birth Certificate.  In regards to my "Pre-Flight Report", it says: "She is fed with 250cc of milk mixing with cooked rice gruel every 4 hours, and takes the half-boiled yolk", "She babbles and laughs well", "She turns her body over and moves by stretching her back and legs.  She gets to know her milk-bottle and heads her hands for bottle.  She can stand up erectly well on someone's laps.  If someone has her sit down, then she can do for allittle (sic) while.  She likes to be held her foster mother's arms.  She is a cute and bright Korean baby girl." 

From Birth to Dec. 17, 1978, I was at Oh's Maternity Home in Seoul, and from Dec. 17, 1978, to the time that I left for America I was at Eastern Child Welfare Society, Inc. Angel Babies Home.  On my questionnaire, the names of my birth parents are typed and whited-out. This document says they were 28 and 24-years old and unmarried. 

Perhaps, the most fun to read was my Narrative Case History.  I won't type it all here, but highlight the parts that I find intriguing:

• "This child, Whang, Hee Jung, is a 25 day old, cute and lovely full Korean baby girl with black hair, black eyes and white skin." 
• "The baby was referred to our agency for adoption by her biological mother on Dec. 17, 1978, because the mother was very poor and couldn't raise her baby by herself.  And she wanted the baby to be sent into a good and happy family."
• "The baby's name was given by our worker.  Whang is the father's family name, the first name Hee means joyful and the middle name Jung stands for calm.  We want the baby to grow as a beautiful and noble lady in her future."
• To paraphrase my birth parents' story according to the case history, they were not married and had separated due to characteristic problems.  He was in the army in Vietnam and his parents were opposed to their relationship.  After they separated, she knew of her pregnancy, but did not know how to find him.  It tells their height and blood type, specifics that seem out of place in a document that otherwise only gives basic information on my birth parents.

While talking to Nate, I started to tell him of the risks of searching and the likelihood that we would not be able to find any of my birth family.  He had just assumed that we would meet them when we arrived in Korea on our tour in June.  In truth, I actually felt that there would be less than 50% chance of me finding anyone.  At the time I was adopted in the late 70's, there were few records kept.  I had the papers from my parents from my American file.  I had no clue what information they may or may not have in Korea. 

I was about to find out.

On February 2, 2011, I received an email from Jan Dunn at Dillon with the information they received from my Korean File.  It couldn't be more different than what I had thought my entire life!  This letter I will include almost in full.  I will only leave out a few particularly identifying notes. 

Here is the background information about the adoptee:
The birth parents were married and had two daughters aged 8 and 7 at the time of intake. The birth father was 33 years old and the birth mother was 29 years old at that time. The birth father is the only son to his parents and his parents wanted to have a grandson. The birth mother had pressure to give birth to a son and was worried after she gave birth to the adoptee. The birth parents had full consideration about the adoptee and decided to refer the adoptee for adoption because of the high expectation his parents had. At that time they were going to tell a lie to his parents that the baby died after birth.

Birth father: After high school graduation, he joined the military army and was deployed to Vietnam in 1968. When he was in Vietnam, he received a comforting letter from a girl and the girl was the birth mother. (Sara Ann, it was common for schools in Korea to encourage students to write letters to soldiers who were serving in the Vietnam War). Since then they kept in touch by letters. After discharged from military service, the birth father met the birth mother in 1969. The birth parents lived together and later registered their marriage and had a wedding ceremony. He is 175cm in height and his religion is Catholic. He tends to be smart. He is thoughtful and cheerful.

Birth mother: After graduating from high school, she stayed at home and helped the household. She is 163cm in height and her religion is Catholic. She is good natured and calm. The birth parents hoped the adoptee is placed through overseas. They were very sad and had hard time at the time of referring the baby for adoption.

The adoptee was born at 7:20 pm on Dec. 16, 1978. The birth weight of the adoptee is 3.2kg.

We have the names of the birth parents and their ages but no ID numbers for them. Therefore, it would not be easy to locate the current information about the birth parents. However, the names of the birth parents are not common in Korea and there might be a little possibility of locating them if we attempt to search through a police station, I think. If the adoptee wants further search by a police station, we will contact the police station and ask them to do it.


The stories are quite different.  My birth parents are married.  I'm not the oldest - I have two sisters (at least).  As is common, they were hoping for a son.  They met very romantically - writing letters during the Vietnam war.  I know what time I was born (something I have always wondered, since I'm a night person) and how much I weighed.

You may ask how I am dealing with the new information.  How I feel about being the one given up.  My response is that I'm doing quite well.  But, I will get into the emotions of this information another time.  I know that God does everything for a reason, sending me to Minnesota, included.  My parents had prayed for a child for a long time and I was the answer to their prayers. 

Rather than a 50% chance of finding them, I might up the chances in my head to 70%.  I still have to be realistic, but they have names that are less common and the authorities know some more information about them than just their names.  I had asked how often the Korean File is inaccurate - answer, not often.  Now I'm just pondering the similarities and differences between the two and preparing myself for the next step in the search: waiting.  Will we be able to meet them when we arrive in Korea?  I will be hearing if there is any progress in my search every two weeks or so.  If you know me, you know patience is NOT one of my virtues.

History

As the "About Me" section states, I am a Korean American adoptee.  I was born on December 16, 1978, and came to America on May 1, 1979, a little May Day bundle.  Meeting me at the airport were my parents, Nanny & Gramps, Baba, my aunt & uncle, my future Godmother, and many other people.  I believe Art Linkletter (from Kid's Say the Darndest Things)was on the plane as well, and thought the entourage was for him.  Nope, I was the lucky one! 

It was a tricky flight, however.  The night before I was to arrive, my parents found out I was headed Chicago - O'Hare airport.  Except everyone was meeting me in Minneapolis.  In the middle of the night, my parents had to find a Notary and get documentation signed that someone could escort me from O'Hare to Minneapolis.  Fortunately, it all worked out.

And then March, 1980, my brother Mike was born.  The following July, 1981, Julie came along.  Mom and Dad had three kids under the age of 3.  After ten years of marriage, they had a very busy family!

I have always known I was adopted.  It's hard not to when you look nothing like your parents and siblings, although I think some families could fake it for awhile.  My parents always told me I was special and that God had chosen me specially for them.  They were very open about my adoption and my questions about my birth family.  When I was old enough, I was allowed to see the adoption papers.  I don't know how much I really remembered about them at the time.  I knew I wanted to someday go back to Korea and maybe find my birth parents.

Then the 1988 Summer Olympics came to Seoul.  I remember BEGGING my parents to bring me.  I was almost ten and watched the Opening Ceremonies from my couch, so proud of my birth country.  In retrospect, I was probably too young to attend, but still wish I could have been a part of that history. 

In high school English class I wrote a paper about searching for my birth family.  Mom and Dad were so supportive of any decisions I made.  I do believe this made me a more well-balanced adoptee.  I was never afraid they would be hurt by my questions or upset that I wanted to search for my birth family.  They answered all my questions and gave me all the contacts I would need to complete my paper.  If I can find it, I will post it here in the future.  At that time, I was too young and not quite ready to begin my search.

Then college came along and the age where I could begin the search if I wanted to.  For some reason, I always delayed sending the paperwork in.  I was enjoying singing in the Concordia Choir and experiencing life on my own for the first time.  The paper I had written was on the back burner.

In 2002, FIFA World Cup came to Korea & Japan.  Being an avid soccer player (still am!), I wanted to go to Korea for the event.  Alas, I was unable to go due to lack of funds (being a recent college grad).  I still wanted to search for my birth family, but now I was thinking I would like to do it with someone significant.  I wasn't sure who that would be, but I was patiently waiting to see when my future mate would come along.  It's too bad I didn't know Nate then, as soccer was one of the first things that drew us together.  We were married on December 28, 2008, eight years after World Cup.

After all this time has gone by, at 32, I am finally ready to make the leap.  Nate, my parents, and I are heading to Korea in June, 2011, with Children's Home Society's Tour Korea.  As a part of the visit, I hope I am able to search out some of my roots. 

In stepping into this journey, throughout the years, I have thought a lot about the possibilities, the potential outcomes, and what this may mean for my future and I hope to share my journey with you!